


if my heart could beat it would beat for you

by spacejam72



Category: Fire Emblem: Fuukasetsugetsu | Fire Emblem: Three Houses
Genre: Boys In Love, Flirting, Fluff, Fluff and Angst, Light Angst, Love Confessions, M/M, Making Out, Mutual Pining, Pre-Timeskip | Academy Phase (Fire Emblem: Three Houses), Self-Loathing, Trust Issues, general spoilers for pre-skip, implied/referenced child sex abuse, nothing graphic, pretty sappy, spoilers for yuri and Dorothea's a-support, touch-starved byleth, yuri does byleth's makeup, yuri talks about his mother
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-05-04
Updated: 2020-05-04
Packaged: 2021-03-02 04:07:08
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 8,845
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23998723
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/spacejam72/pseuds/spacejam72
Summary: "These feelings make him feel weak… drawn to the man without even trying, as if Yuri is a wandering star and Byleth a lone celestial body helplessly stuck in his orbit. It’s been this way for a while. All consuming and persistent, a tugging thought in the back of his mind that made his hands clammy and his blood hot beneath his skin. Why was he so enraptured by everything the man did, down to the coy smile that dawns his face when he comes up with a clever scheme or the way he grips his sword just before battle? Why did he ache when they were apart? Byleth thinks he knows, but he doesn’t dare acknowledge it."orYuri does Byleth's makeup and Byleth struggles to accept his feelings
Relationships: Yuris Leclair | Yuri Leclerc & My Unit | Byleth, Yuris Leclair | Yuri Leclerc/My Unit | Byleth
Comments: 20
Kudos: 159





	if my heart could beat it would beat for you

**Author's Note:**

> hiiii lovely lovely readers ❤️❤️  
> thank u for stopping by.  
> I will admit it. I'm kinda obsessed with yurileth at the moment... so obsessed it actually prompted me to pick up my laptop for once and not only write but FINISH a fic??? unheard of!  
> again, nothing tagged is graphic but still remember to read the tags in case anything is especially sensitive for u.  
> anyway, I hope u enjoy.❤️❤️

The moon hangs high in the sky within a blanket of night, hidden stars peeking out like fireflies from its seams, casting the monastery in a soft blue haze as midnight grows ever-near. 

This evening is cold and clear. 

The patrolling wyverns and falcon knights that regularly peppered the sky had long since tired and joined the festivities with the rest of the faculty and students, leaving the horizon unmarred and waiting for wandering eyes.

Shadows of dancing figures at the ball glide hypnotically over stone walls, the sounds of their laughter and live music echoing from the entrance hall to the empty courtyard like spirits come to life. 

A broad figure wrapped in a dark cape stands alone underneath the lucid night, still and silent within all that motion and noise. 

Byleth had abandoned the ball some time ago in favor of the night’s chill, his feet still aching from seemingly endless dancing and his mind worn from obligated socialization. He needed some time to breathe, to escape from the mortifying ordeal of being known, just for a little while at least. 

That’s not to say he didn’t enjoy himself. It wasn’t that. 

The ball was... tolerable --fun even-- he had to admit. Even when Claude pulled him out onto the dancefloor and he was entirely --laughably-- out of his element, he still found himself in good spirits. 

After all, he only stepped on the house leader’s toes five or six times during their waltz… which he opted to consider a success for someone who had never danced before in his life. 

Byleth couldn’t help the subtle smile that crossed his face as he watched his students lightly chatter and dance among themselves, the sight a striking juxtaposition to the horror he saw in their eyes at Remire village just the moon before.

It relieved him to see them like that... so light and temporarily free of burdens. 

He wished deeply that feeling would last for them forever, though he knew it could never be. While he may have the ability to manipulate time, he knows he can’t protect them from all the hurt the world has to offer. 

Yet that didn’t make it any easier to swallow. 

After all, Byleth never anticipated he’d come to care this deeply for them... let alone that he’d ever have the capacity to _feel_ in this way in the first place. 

That’s not to say he hadn’t felt things before Garreg Mach--he did-- but just not like this. And when he did, he never showed it.

Something about this place and these people he’s met along the way have --for lack of better words-- changed him. 

Everything before feels muted in monochrome, as if he was never truly living at all but instead just surviving underneath a mask of apathy and indifference.

But now… Byleth finds himself lost within his feelings. It’s disorienting and confusing. 

He’s no longer merely the Ashen Demon, a vessel for killing without remorse or feeling, but instead something unfamiliar to him… something more _human_ than he had ever felt before.

And among these new feelings of blind trust and platonic affection he’d come to know in his time here came other… confusing feelings that begin to stir as he idly watched other couples twirl and waltz on the dancefloor.

It was in the warmth of their gazes on one another... the way their cheeks flushed red when they joined hands in unadulterated affection that made Byleth feel strangely empty… like something was missing yet he couldn’t quite place what. 

He didn’t know the first thing about intimacy or romance. 

He never had the need for such things before-- nor the want as a mercenary-- a rather emotionally-stunted mercenary at that.

But now… 

Now things were different. 

Byleth tilts his head, eyes narrowed in curiosity and mild scrutiny as he watches the couples dance and laugh together.

He finds himself lost in perplexing thoughts, indulging himself in the selfish idea of someone looking at him with that same degree of warmth and affection. 

Of someone inviting him in to invade their space: to kiss and touch and entwine their fingers together without the pretense of a waltz… the comfort of someone _familiar_ when nothing else made sense. 

Nondescript images of lilac-colored hair and warm calloused fingertips and the long lashes of a certain abyssian swordsman infiltrate his thoughts before he has the sense to push them away, the recognition abruptly snapping him out of his daydream.

Which is what led to his feet moving before his mind could catch up, discreetly slipping out from the ball to get some air before another student could ask him for a dance. 

Byleth exhaled --finally free of prying eyes-- his breath visible in the air due to the winter’s chill as he stared up into the night sky in a silent ask for answers.

The feeling of something missing… or someone who wasn’t there…

It dawns on him suddenly that it wasn’t merely the ball and the noise and the people that left him longing and restless, but instead his sharp-witted friend from the Abyss that wouldn’t leave his mind no matter how hard he tried.

And how these thoughts weren’t new. Not at all.

_Yuri._

It’s Yuri he catches his mind drifting to at the strangest of times… whether it's on the battlefield or in the middle of a lecture or in bed at night when his newfound loneliness creates an ache in his chest even Sothis can’t remedy. 

Those feelings frighten him to say the least.

They knock him off balance where normally he had been focused, composed. Grounded. 

His eyes gravitate towards Yuri on the battlefield more than they should, fear coursing through his veins when he sees the man falter for even a moment. 

He loses sleep replaying the same phrases and conversations in his head, trying to figure out what they meant, if anything. 

Tossing and turning... Yuri’s low timbre in his head whispering “You’re adorable”, “We have a connection, you and I”, and “I’ve got you, friend.”. It’s maddening.

It makes him feel weak… drawn to the man without even trying, as if Yuri is a wandering star and Byleth a lone celestial body helplessly stuck in his orbit. 

It’s been this way for a while. 

All consuming and persistent, a tugging thought in the back of his mind that made his hands clammy and his blood hot beneath his skin.

He doesn’t fully understand it. He’s not sure he wants to. 

Why did his stomach flip in strange ways when Yuri laughs at something he said during their increasingly frequent teatimes? 

Why was he so enraptured by everything the man did, down to the coy smile that dawns his face when he comes up with a clever scheme or the way he grips his sword just before battle?

Why did he ache when they were apart? 

Byleth thinks he knows, but he doesn’t dare acknowledge it. 

Even if he did, Yuri couldn’t possibly feel the same way-

Sothis lets out an exasperated sigh in his head, her chiding voice breaking through his pining under the stars like a crackle of lightning in the night. 

_“My, My! You’re absolutely clueless aren’t you?… Like a naive child with a first crush! Get a hold of yourself! ”_

Byleth bristles, eyes widening. 

“I’m the child?” He whispers bitterly under his breath.

She ignores it… for now.

 _“So oblivious…”_ She mutters more to herself than him. _“Would you just go see him? All this loneliness is rubbing off on me. It’s exhausting really!”_

But he can hear something softer in her voice, something that sounds suspiciously like guilt. Strange...

Byleth looks around at the empty courtyard, brows knitting together as Sothis’ presence dims and retires to the back of his mind, no longer entertained by his actions as she had been earlier in the night. 

He wraps his cloak around himself tighter. 

Byleth could go see him.  
In fact, he couldn’t deny that he wanted to. He hadn’t seen the man in days and he’d desperately missed his presence ever since. 

He’d been so busy with battle preparations, lectures, and the heron cup he hadn’t really had time to travel to the Abyss.

But if he was being more honest with himself, he’d been avoiding Yuri as well.

Yuri most likely didn’t notice. He has his own responsibilities to tend to such as taking care of the Abyssians and… his other more shifty endeavors that stained his collar red and made his posture tense. 

But Byleth doesn’t care about any of that. He’d even come along with him to deal with his affairs once or twice. 

He still worries about him of course, though he knows Yuri is perfectly capable of taking care of himself. 

He’s seen him up close in action... the man rightfully both feared and respected. 

He’s fought by his side too many times to count. He knows how skilled he is with a sword. How strong he is… how intelligent and self-sufficient and compassionate he is...

Byleth clears his throat. 

He should probably get going before Sothis decides to scold him again.

Not that he was particularly fazed by her, but in this situation he would prefer to be alone with his thoughts without her distracting him.

Byleth moves decisively, allowing his feet to guide him on a now-familiar stone pathway, ducking between dark monastery alleyways and away from any wandering students or faculty. 

The journey to Abyss is lengthy and complex, though Byleth has traveled it enough that it doesn’t take him any time at all to make it through the winding maze of tunnels until he can see the faint orange glow of torches. 

The outlines of merchants, thieves, and commonfolk bustling about Abyss become visible as he grows near. 

Drunks stumble out from the tavern while mages retire from the library for the night. The streets are still buzzing with energy even at this late hour, which isn’t at all surprising. 

Byleth has come to know Abyss as the one place where nothing seems to rest for long. There’s always something to find if you know where to look. 

Yet the one person Byleth longs to see is nowhere in sight. 

Usually he finds Yuri out in the streets, dealing with various residential issues day in and day out… helping out in the kitchen, teaching the children, handling threats when and if they arise.

Byleth descends cobblestoned steps as he enters the marketplace, his brow knitting together slightly when he finds no trace of lilac hair or white knee-high boots. 

It _is_ late. He’s most likely in his room. After all, Yuri gets tired like anyone else. 

Though somehow he doubts a notorious night-owl like him is actually sleeping at this hour. 

A stray cat nuzzles against Byleth’s calf, and he reaches down to pet it on his way to the ward he knows Yuri resides in. Stalling a bit.

He finds Yuri’s room easily though he’d only been there once before, as if it was ingrained in his body to know his way back to him regardless of circumstance. 

A sliver of golden light peeks out from under the wooden door. 

Byleth raises his fist to knock but hesitates a breath… Two. Three. 

He doesn’t know what to say or what to do. All he knows is he wants to see him. 

He longs for Yuri… for the comfort he brings from just being near without even trying. 

Goddess, why was he so nervous? Why does it feel like this every time he sees the man? 

He’s been through hundreds of battles with fierce opponents, and more life-or-death situations than he could count, yet somehow a mere wooden door was enough to shake him. 

He sighs at himself. 

Byleth steadies his hand, swallowing his budding nerves and knocks twice. 

“Who is it?” Yuri calls out dryly, his voice muffled through the door but still audible. 

“It’s me.” 

“Oh.” His voice softens in mild surprise. “It’s unlocked.” 

Byleth enters quietly and closes the door behind him.

Yuri briefly looks up from his position on the floor, kneeling next to a hand mirror propped up by a wooden box. 

He holds a palette of colorful powders in his left hand and a small brush in his right, graceful as he holds a sword before battle as he finishes smudging the dark purple color under his lash-line.

The flickering light of lit candles casts a tangerine glow over everything it can touch, imbuing the profile of Yuri’s face with the presence of a non-existent sunrise.

Yuri smiles, amused and amiable as he turns to him fully this time.

“Professor. To what do I owe this pleasure?” He asks with playful formality.

“I wanted to see you.” Byleth says softly.

He crosses the room cautiously, sitting on the rug a few feet away.

Yuri’s eyes widen just an increment before he recovers, now twinkling with unrestrained mischief to match the smile on his face.

“You know... you really should be careful coming to my room at this time of night, friend. People will talk.” He teases. 

Byleth blinks back at him rather unfazed.

“Let them talk.”

Yuri falters a bit, the slightest bit of color tinging his cheeks. He avoids Byleth’s eyes.

He was beyond used to Byleth’s direct and aloof tendencies by now, but he wasn’t sure what to think about that particular response or if he’d meant it how it sounded.

“Where are you going?” Byleth asks suddenly, gesturing towards the palette Yuri was resting on his knee. “It’s late.” He adds, worry slipping ever-so-lightly into his tone.

“Mm. I have a hot date to get ready for. Figured I should make a good impression.” He says darkly.

Byleth recognizes that tone. The one that indicated he was actually going out to do something dangerous. To _handle things_ , as he says. Most likely an inner conflict with his gang or even a rival he feels he needs to get even with.

“Be careful.” Byleth says quietly and Yuri looks back at him for a lingering moment. Byleth always manages to both intrigue and confuse the hell out of him. 

Yuri has to admit he’s not used to someone caring about his well-being. He’s never trusted it before. It always meant he’d have to give something in return. 

Whether that was his dignity, his body, or his innocence. There was always a price to pay. And Yuri hated nothing more than unpaid debts.

But somehow the earnest look of concern hidden in the man’s midnight eyes convinces him it’s not just a front.

Yuri makes a non-committal noise and flicks his eyes back to the hand mirror to begin to blend out his eyeshadow once more.

“Although…” He starts, feigning nonchalance. “I suppose I could ditch them to entertain you for a while. You did come all this way after all.”

Byleth says nothing. He just watches the man’s wrist move with practiced ease, captivated by every movement he makes. 

“Say, aren’t you supposed to be at some fancy ball right about now anyways?”

Byleth nods.

“I left early.”

“Why’s that?”

“It was a lot of socialization. A lot of people. Rather overwhelming. I needed some space to breathe.”

“That makes sense. You have a lot of people demanding a great deal from you all the time. Everyone needs a break now and then.” He says, as though he truly understands exactly what he means. The weight of people’s expectations. The responsibility of leading.

“You feel it too.” Byleth states more than asks.

Yuri nods.

“Of course. I’m self-aware enough to know people depend on me. And if I fail people will die. I trust you understand what I mean.”

Byleth nods, but his mind is far away.

Images of the previous moon flash through Byleth’s head. 

Of Remire village... Of the looks of horror and terror that ghosted his students faces when they arrived. Of the people they couldn’t save.

Of children... lying in blood and villagers begging him to put them out of their misery so they couldn’t hurt anyone else. 

Of the way he saw the grim weight that clung to his students like wet clothing after a thunderstorm when they left. Weight that would linger in their eyes nights after as they lie awake and maybe even longer.

Byleth closes his eyes for a moment. 

“I… don’t want them to die. I want to protect them.” He confesses suddenly.

Yuri stills. 

“Who?”

“My students. If I make a mistake they’ll die. And I may not be able to reverse it.”

Yuri frowns in confusion. Reverse it? 

Byleth seems to realize he’d let on too much. 

“It’s just… nice to know I’m not the only one who feels it.”

Yuri smiles. It’s a forced smile that doesn’t meet his eyes. One that masks pain Byleth had learned to recognize well. 

He leans over slightly to briefly squeeze Byleth’s knee. Even the brief contact sends a chill up his spine. 

Byleth’s gaze flickers upwards and midnight meets lilac.

“It’s not just you.” Yuri reassures him warmly.

He doesn’t linger. Instead he pulls away almost as if he had done something wrong and returns to his task. 

The two men settle into comfortable silence as Byleth continues to watch Yuri in his ministrations. 

Strands of lilac-colored hair fall on his cheekbone and it takes Byleth a frightening level of restraint not to lean forward and brush it out of his face. To thumb over the man’s cheek gently and have Yuri lean into his touch. To know that these strange feelings of his are reciprocated.

The flickering of candlelight casts shadows and golden highlights over the man’s delicate features… his upturned nose and long lilac lashes (how had he never noticed that before?) and soft lips.

Or at least Byleth imagined they were… In his dreams they were. 

It’s no secret to Byleth that Yuri is beautiful. 

He didn’t need to pay attention to the way men and women alike looked at him. He knows it himself as well as he knows his way around a sword or a spell. 

Yuri is beautiful. But not just for the way he looks, but rather everything that he is. 

His beauty is found in the low timbre of his voice when it goes soft the tireder he gets. It’s in the determination in his eyes when he wants something. 

And the soft curve of an honest smile when he sings to the children of Abyss. 

And the fierce instinctual need he feels to protect his people and give them a better life. 

And the strength behind that need that Byleth knows first-hand. 

His beauty is in all of it.

The first time they’d met they’d crossed swords. It had been a rather evenly matched battle even though Byleth had won in the end. 

Yuri had outsmarted him more times than he’d liked to admit as a tactician himself. He was a fierce opponent because he had everything to lose if Byleth’s motivations were different. 

He would have fought until he died for Abyss.

Since then, he’s fought at his side anytime Byleth had asked. He’s saved his life on multiple occasions. 

He’s taken arrows for him and a well-timed slash of a sword that narrowly missed his throat. 

Even now Byleth’s blood runs cold when he thinks of it.

Byleth’s gaze travels up from Yuri’s wrist to his eyes. Eyes that he’s never seen wet with tears even after all he’s mentioned to Byleth about his past. Eyes that light up with fury when there’s something to fight for. 

Eyes that soften and lose their edge on rare occasions under candlelight when they’re up late working on battle strategies. 

Eyes that Byleth sees pain and life and beauty in multitudes within that draws him even closer into his orbit. Eyes he never wants to look at anyone else but him.

“You know, it’s considered rude to stare, friend.” Yuri remarks, his tone light and teasing.

Byleth coughs, briefly flushing red before turning his head out of the candlelight.

“Sorry.” He mumbles, directing his attention anywhere but the man’s face.

“What were you thinking about so intently anyways?”

“Your eyes.” Byleth blurts out without thinking. _Stupid._

Yuri’s lips curl up in an amused smirk. He turns slightly, lowering the brush from his eyelid.

“Oh? What about them?”

“Just that you… wear makeup on your eyelids.” Byleth says rather awkwardly, choosing to focus on his fixation of Yuri putting his makeup on rather than his insistent pining.

“Mm. And you find it strange because I’m a man?” Yuri questions.

“No, not at all.” Byleth explains. “It suits you. I like it.”

Yuri laughs. It’s an infectiously pleasant, airy sound that makes Byleth’s knees weak and the ghost of a smile appear on his lips.

“You’re an odd one, friend. Though I can’t deny it’s rather charming. Adorable, even.” Yuri flirts seamlessly, though again Byleth looks rather unaffected. His eye twitches slightly at that.

“Byleth.”

“What?” 

“You can call me Byleth… if you want.”

Yuri smiles to himself, amused with the man’s aloof tendencies.

“...Alright _Byleth..._ ”

Byleth never thought his name could sound so lovely coming off someone else’s tongue. And from Yuri’s lips it sounded like honey, only sweeter.

Yuri seems to study him for a moment, humming to himself in appreciation. 

“Since I’ve decided to skip my very important date to spend some time with you… would you mind indulging me in something?”

_Anything. I’d do anything for you._

Byleth swallows, pushing that thought away as quickly as it came.

“What is it?”

“C’mere a second. Don’t worry, I don’t bite… I want to try something.”

Byleth eyes him for a beat, then does as he’s told, slowly inching closer.

“Close your eyes.” Yuri tells him. He does so without hesitation.

He can hear the sound of Yuri shuffling closer on the rug until their knees just barely touch. 

And suddenly he’s very warm all over. He can feel Yuri’s presence so distinctly... close enough to rob his lungs of air but not nearly as close as he wants. 

The dull heat moves from his abdomen to his chest to his face and he knows he’s flushed red but can’t help it. 

When Yuri finally touches him he flinches slightly at the contact-- not because he’s afraid-- but because he can’t even remember the last time someone really touched him. 

He’s been fighting non-stop since he was a child… killing for so long without feeling a thing he can’t even remember when it started. 

He never had a mother to offer embraces of comfort when the nights were cold and lonely and Jeralt was never particularly keen on physical affection. 

And as Yuri rests his thumb lightly on his cheekbone Byleth realizes truly how much he’d felt deprived of it. How much he missed something he’d never really experienced at all. 

And how much he wanted it in whatever form Yuri could offer him. He leans into it instead of running away.

Then he feels it… the brief sweeping motion of a brush over his eyelid. 

Byleth opens his eyes abruptly the moment the brush moves away. 

“What are you doing?” He asks out of curiosity, watching as Yuri repeatedly swipes the brush over a midnight blue color on the palate resting beside him.

“Do you want me to stop?” Yuri asks.

“No, it’s okay. Keep going.” Byleth reassures him.

Yuri hesitates until he closes his eyes again. 

Byleth doesn’t flinch this time when the brush makes contact with his lid. 

Every couple seconds Yuri parts from him to apply more powder to the brush and then the thumb on his cheekbone is back... the subtle touch painting his skin with fire bubbling just below the surface. 

After a few moments of listening to Yuri’s gentle breathing within the quiet of the candlelit room, Byleth speaks. 

“How’d you learn how to do this?” He asks quietly. 

Yuri hesitates for a long moment, his hand stilling. 

“My mother taught me.” He finally admits, and it was clear it took him a lot of effort to do so. 

Byleth tilts his head a bit, opening his eyes to watch Yuri as he reapplies the blue powder to the brush.

“Your mother?” He asked.

“Mm.”

Yuri was not usually one to let people in. In fact, it was rare for him to share any information about himself whatsoever. Byleth had learned that much fairly early on.

He spent a lot of time analyzing the man during their frequent teatimes. He could pinpoint every bitter smile when Yuri was reminded of something unpleasant related to his past and every deliberate shift in conversation. 

Byleth may be completely inept at romance but he isn’t a fool. 

Yuri didn’t need to elaborate on what happened to him. Byleth had enough of an idea to know not to pry. 

It was understandable why it was hard for him to trust others. So mostly he just listened. 

And sometimes it seemed in those very rare moments of vulnerability, that's all Yuri really seemed to want... is someone to listen.

Yuri’s rarely ever talked about his mother, and there were likely many reasons for that that Byleth didn’t know. 

And as the silent moments ticked by, he accepted that this was simply another part of Yuri’s past he didn’t want to talk about. 

Until he spoke, seemingly unsure of himself.

“I used to watch her… as she got ready for work each night.” Yuri starts softly, continuing to blend out the edges of Byleth’s eyeshadow as he listens in silence.

“I would watch her reflection in the mirror as she did her makeup for dirty men who didn’t deserve it. I hated when she had to leave. But… those reflections in the mirror were some of the only times I really remember seeing her at peace.” Yuri lets out a breath, seemingly surprised at his own honesty.

He doesn’t even know why he’s talking about this. 

It seems every time he’s alone with Byleth he ends up letting on more than he’d like. His walls come tumbling down without him even trying. 

He’s not sure how he feels about it, but it at the very least feels good to be able to talk to someone. 

“One night…” He continues. “She’d come home early and caught me playing in her makeup box. I thought she’d be angry with me but… she just laughed and told me that if I was going to mess with her makeup I’d at least have to learn how to do it right. So she taught me. And I’ve liked it ever since. It makes me feel connected to her, in some strange way.” 

Byleth can’t help the small smile that ghosts his lips at the sound of amusement and unbridled affection in Yuri’s voice. 

“So that’s how it started…” Byleth chuckles, then softer, “You must really love her.”

“I do.” Yuri agrees fondly.

“What’s she like? Your mother…”

Yuri blinks, recognizing the curious intrigue in Byleth’s voice as someone who had never known what it was like to have a mother. 

He continues blending out his makeup, smiling softly to himself as he thinks of the best way to describe her. 

“She’s unreasonably kind. And resilient. She loves to bake… she taught me that too. And she’d do just about anything to protect those she loves. I admire that about her.”

Byleth opens his eyes.

“I can see where you get it from.” He says seriously.

Yuri stills.

“Hm. False flattery won’t get you anywhere, friend.” Yuri jokes lightly, brushing the compliment off immediately. “I’m practically immune to that by now.” 

Byleth frowns in confusion.

“It’s not false. I meant it.”

Yuri gives him a measured look.

Byleth stares back earnestly, again no trace of dishonestly in those eyes. 

It frustrates him to no end… how Byleth could look at him like that. How he could make Yuri trust him so easily unlike anybody else. 

He doesn’t want to believe him. He doesn’t want to believe that after all he’s done anyone could like him for what he is. 

Yuri then scoffs, brushing him off yet again with false nonchalance.

“Believe what you want.” He resigns, chuckling under his breath, waving his hand dismissively. “I don’t even know why I’m talking about any of this in the first place. Blame it on the late hour.”

Byleth shakes his head.

“Yuri.” He says seriously. “I’m… relieved you trust me enough to talk about such things.”

Yuri eyes him wearily for a moment, choosing his words carefully.

“Trust. Mm. I suppose I do… against my better judgement that is.” 

His lips then curl into a borderline sinister smirk. “Though I also trust you know fully well what happens to those who betray me. It may be in your best interest to tread lightly around me, _Byleth_. I may be a pretty bird but I’m also quite lethal in the right circumstance.”

Byleth stares back at him, utterly unfazed by the empty threat. 

“I’m well aware of your capabilities. But I’m not afraid of you, Yuri.”

“That was your second mistake then.” 

“And what was the first?”

Yuri hesitates for a moment, dropping the act.

“Believing I’m anything more than what I’ve shown you.” He says darkly. “I’ve done terrible things to get to where I am. Degrading, disgusting things. I’ve killed people I didn’t need to--”

“So have I. We all do what we have to in order to survive. That isn’t and will never be on you. And nothing like that could ever change what I think of you. The past or the present.”

Yuri frowns deeply. 

Byleth’s expression holds a tinge of sadness --like it always does when Yuri finds himself trapped within the past-- but it’s also tender in the way that Yuri supposes everyone wants someone to look at them. 

Tender in the way that makes Yuri’s palms sweat and his stomach flip in a way it never really had before.

“What are you after?” Yuri presses breathlessly, his doubts getting the best of him. “Why come here just to talk to me like this? Just to look at me like that? What do you want?”

“I’m not after anything. I just like being with you.” Byleth admits simply. “Is that so wrong?”

Yuri’s quiet for a long moment, his heart beating so hard in his chest he fears Byleth may hear it. 

Nobody had ever said something like that to him before. Never. 

Yuri had long grown accustomed to the notion that he was only good for a few things, whether that was sex, killing, or acting as a substitution for another bird that sang just as pretty. 

Nobody had wanted his company like this simply for the sake of it. Not without some sort of ulterior motive. 

And while at one time he was able to use it to his advantage, to gain what he wanted or needed: money, connections, freedom… nothing ever came without a price.

It was scrubbing his skin until it no longer smelled of noble perfume… until he could no longer feel the ghosts of their greedy touches every time he closed his eyes. 

It was fifteen and sixteen and seventeen of feeling like a bird trapped within a cage with no escape in sight. 

Of feeling just like his mother. 

Just as lonely. Just as quiet as he sat at the mirror doing his makeup… something he eventually came to view as a claim to control, one small fragment of autonomy he held over his body that no one dared to take away. 

It was night sweats and smiles that became so easy to fake the older he grew and the hatred of the sound of his own voice. 

It was lying awake at night feeling more dirty and unlovable than he’d ever felt in his entire life.

But somehow, this feels different. 

The time he spends with Byleth feels different than that of the nobles --or even his trusted friends or acquaintances-- even if a part of him doesn’t want to believe it. 

Byleth is like a calm rain over a tumultuous, raging ocean… an ease to the tension that builds within him like a rubber band ready to snap. 

With him Yuri feels… comfortable. Something he can’t say he feels with the vast majority of people. 

He finds himself feeling _lighter_ in the man’s presence… laughing at his aloof tendencies with such ease, and spending their comfortable silences wondering not of locating his exit routes but instead how warm Byleth’s rough hands would feel against his if they were held.

And most of all, Byleth doesn’t make him feel dirty or unloved. Quite the opposite actually. 

Byleth looks at him under the candlelight as if he’s worth something just as he is.

It doesn’t erase the past or ease the pain entirely, but it feels good… being with him. 

And Yuri would gladly take in as much of that feeling as he can.

 _“And nothing like that could ever change what I think of you.”_ He had said...

And he declared it with such honesty, as if he truly believed it. And Yuri can’t help but believe him, even though his mind screams at him he’s making a fatal mistake.

Because this is one risk he finds himself more than willing to take.

Yuri smiles to himself, willing his eyes not to water to preserve his pride.

“No... It’s not wrong at all.” He finally remarks, shaking his head. “Sorry... I’m being weird, aren’t I? I like to think I can read people pretty easily… to assess their intentions. But not you. I’m having trouble reading you. Besides, I’m especially not used to people enjoying my company without wanting something in return...” He explains, then softer. “Not like this.”

Byleth nods understandingly.

“But for the record… I like being with you too. I’m glad you came to see me.” He says softly.

“You are?”

“Mm. As much as I hate to admit it, I sort of missed you.” He pouts in flippant annoyance, arching a lilac-colored brow. “I was beginning to think you were avoiding me.”

Content with his attempt to ease the mood, Yuri raises the brush once more to finish Byleth’s other eye, applying a more pigmented shade of purple and blue over the midnight he’d blended out into black.

Byleth flushes slightly at that statement. 

Well, he wasn’t exactly wrong. Byleth had been avoiding him a bit while trying to figure out his feelings for the man. 

But more importantly, Yuri _missed him._

“Only sort of? Would you rather me stay away for longer then?” Byleth quips with a small smile, one that finds his lips so easily when Yuri is around. 

He wasn’t sure what possessed him to do so, but judging from the way the swordsman's hand stills and his mouth gapes in amused surprise… he didn’t regret it.

“Did you just… make a _joke?_ ”

“I… suppose I did.” 

Yuri’s lilting laugh fills the air within the candlelight room and Byleth is simply enraptured, undeniable fondness within his eyes as he watches the man. 

And in that moment, Byleth decides if he had his choice, he would listen to Yuri’s laugh for the rest of his life. That would be the closest to a happy existence he could imagine, if only it were possible.

He wants nothing more than to see Yuri’s light genuine smiles each morning… the deep timbre of his voice when he’s sleep-drunk and just waking up… his messy lilac hair splayed across the pillow while the sun’s rays dance over his skin… and most importantly, his entrancing eyes looking at him and only him.

Any time with Yuri would be enough, though he’d much prefer forever.

Byleth is interrupted from his thoughts by the quick _thwap_ of Yuri’s fingers against his forehead. 

He looks up in surprise, finding himself under the scrutiny of Yuri’s amused smile and arched brow. Ah, he’d been spacing out again.

“Ow.”

Yuri chuckles lowly.

“So adorable…” He mutters under his breath, then a quiet “Stay still for me.”

Yuri takes out the wand applicator from earlier and begins meticulously applying it to his lashes.

It takes Byleth a shocking level of control to not blink, but he manages.

Eventually Yuri lowers the wand, evidently satisfied with the end product and sits back to look at him.

“Y’know, I’ve never done this on someone else before... so don’t blame me if you hate it. You asked me to keep going, after all.” He reminds coyly.

A small smile crosses Byleth’s face as Yuri turns to grab the mirror. 

“I’ll keep that in mind.”

When Yuri presents the mirror in front of him, Byleth blinks curiously, staring at his reflection.

He cocks his head, watching the way his eyelids shimmer in blues and purples, the hue matching both the color of his eyes and hair, the curl of his eyelashes enhanced far more than their usual state. 

He wasn’t really sure what to think at first. 

He’d always found makeup appealing when it was on Yuri, but seeing it on himself was something different entirely. 

Byleth hadn’t really focused much on his looks before. 

He was much more concerned with functionality than beauty, bathing regularly for hygiene but never dwelling too much on his appearance when there were fights to focus on… even cutting his hair with the sharp edge of his dagger so it wouldn’t get in his eyes during battle as opposed to a real haircut… that is, until Hilda discovered him and forced him to change his ways. 

But after a few moments of staring owlish-eyed at his reflection in the mirror, he decides he likes it after all… partly because Yuri was the one who did it and it seemed to make him happy but also because he was genuinely intrigued by it. 

“What do you think?” Yuri asks, scanning the man’s face for a reaction.

“It’s… I like it. You’re good at this.”

Yuri hums to himself, clearly pleased with his response.

“Oh, don’t sing my praises too much. Though I suppose I’ll have to do your makeup more often then.” He says smoothly.

“I wouldn't mind.” Byleth says quietly, setting the mirror down to look at the man.  
“What do you think?”

“I think you’re beautiful.” Yuri responds sincerely. He hadn’t meant for it to slip out, but he did mean it. 

He’d been attracted to the man since they’d first met, he wouldn’t even try to deny that if anyone asked. 

But something about Byleth under candlelight... dark metallic lids and midnight eyes watching him underneath full lashes highlighted that attraction more intensely than he’d like to admit.

Byleth in turn blushed furiously at the unexpected comment, his cheeks up to the tips of his ears flaming red. 

He curses at himself internally, channeling all those years of emotionless vacant stares in an attempt to compose himself but failing miserably, looking rather ridiculous in the process.

And again, Yuri’s easy laughter fills the air of the candlelit room and Byleth can’t help but stare.

“Ah, there you go pulling that cute face again Byleth. Don’t become too expressive on me now, you’ll risk ruining my masterpiece...” He teases lightly.

Yuri leans forward close enough that Byleth can feel his warmth so distinctly, as though he’d known it his entire life and thus missed it all at once. Warmth he longs to carry within his bones for whatever life he has left, no matter how short or long that may be. 

Byleth feels a calloused fingertip against his cheekbone, presumably brushing away some excess powder that fell there. 

He leans into the touch instinctually, the brief contact enough to make his breath hitch in his throat.

Then Yuri smiles, a soft ephemeral thing… brushing Byleth’s hair out of his face as though it was a routine occurrence for him to do so. 

Domestic thoughts rush through Byleth’s mind before he can stop his daydreaming, much like his time at the ball… but this time with no attempt to deny it was Yuri he was thinking of.

He imagines Yuri brushing his hair out of his face just like that before kissing him goodnight. 

And Yuri teaching him how to bake --his face resting on Byleth’s shoulder from behind-- instructing him bossily and watching his hands move... teasing him when he grabs the salt instead of the sugar. 

And the warmth of Yuri’s body against his when the man falls asleep on his chest as the sky darkens and the world falls quiet save for the sound of Yuri’s slowing breath, as if it was just the two of them and no one else. 

And Yuri opening up to him more over time when he was ready... being able to talk about his mother with open affection and his past without guilt. 

And every other moment with Yuri he could possibly have in between, perhaps in a simpler time where their shoulders didn’t weigh as heavily with responsibility or killing to survive. A simpler time that existed within his dreams that seemed so within reach when Yuri looked at him like that. 

And in that moment, the totality of Byleth’s feelings come to focus in a way he can no longer ignore. 

Some sort of invisible urgency possesses him, as though he was running out of time and no longer has the luxury to skirt around his feelings any longer. 

As Yuri starts to pull back, Byleth grabs his wrist gently. 

Yuri’s eyes widen in surprise.

“Yuri.” He says seriously. “You said earlier… that you trusted me. Did you mean it?”

Yuri swallows in their close proximity, and Byleth's eyes follow the bob of his Adam's apple.

“I did.”

“Then… can I tell you something?” Byleth asks, forcing himself to get the words out despite his nerves.

“Of course. What is it?” Yuri asks, audible concern in his voice. His lilac brows knit together at the lack of response. “... Byleth?”

Byleth begins to slowly lower Yuri’s wrist. But the man’s hand lingers on his briefly, fingertips following his own gently on the way down, as if connected by a red string of fate that was beyond hesitant to part. 

Byleth takes a deep breath. 

If he didn’t get it out now he never would, he knows that. 

He’d never been particularly good at expressing himself before --especially when it came to his feelings-- but he’d try his best to speak from his heart. For Yuri. 

Byleth’s eyes dart up to catch a glimpse of the man’s face --which was open and softer than he’d expected-- then back to the floor. 

Byleth clears his throat quietly.

“I’ve been having these… _feelings_ for a while now. Feelings I’ve never felt before… for you.” Byleth confesses, staring down at their fingertips-- just barely touching-- but Yuri’s close proximity still setting his nerves on fire.

Yuri’s blood burns hot under his skin, eyes wide in both shock and realization. 

“And for a while I didn’t understand them, but I do now. You make me feel... more human than I ever have before. And that frightens me. But I find myself wanting more of that feeling all the same.” 

Byleth finally forces himself to look the other man in the eye, swallowing hard. 

Yuri inches his hand forward --entwining their fingers lightly-- watching Byleth with bated breath, as if he wasn’t sure this was all really happening. 

“I want to be with you, Yuri. All of you, just as you are. For as long as you’ll allow me. And I can’t keep it to myself anymore.”

Yuri’s lips part as he sits in stunned silence, trying to memorize everything about the expression on Byleth’s face right now. If he forgot everything else, he’d be content having just this one moment to sustain him. 

Byleth really wanted to be with him. Despite everything. Despite his past and all the blood on his hands and everything about him he considered irredeemable. Despite it all. 

“Byleth… Are you trying to say you’re in love with me?” Yuri asks, his voice low and soft in a way Byleth can truthfully say he’d never heard before.

Love. 

Yes, it had to be love. That was the only word that could possibly describe his feelings… how intense and unyielding and disorienting they could be. 

How enraptured he is with everything Yuri is. 

And how he knows the look in his own eyes must match the look in Jeralt’s when he talks about his mother. 

“Yes, I am.” He says, brushing his thumb over Yuri’s knuckles. “I’m in love with you, Yuri.”

Yuri just stares back at him, watching the scattering shadows of flickering candlelight dance across his skin, his dark eyelids sparkling whenever the light hit them just right.

He never imagined someone would look at him and think him worthy of genuine love. Not with mere lust. Not with infatuation of a fantasy he’d projected on the outside, but instead just him. 

The raw, uncut version of himself he’d never intended on anyone getting to know again. 

Byleth _loved_ him. Truly loved him. 

And Yuri…

“I feel the same.” He confesses suddenly, looking back at Byleth whose eyes are wide with surprise. “I’ve felt the same all this time.”

Byleth searches his face wildly.

“You mean it? It’s not just me?”

How could he… not know? After all this time… after all the hints he dropped? Only Byleth would be so oblivious to not pick up his rather obvious feelings for the man.

Yuri shakes his head to himself in mild amusement.

“It’s not just you…” Yuri reassures, echoing his words from earlier with a soft smile. 

Then his eyes darken in intensity, his expression sobering as he leans in closer to convey exactly what he means.

“I love you, Byleth. And I mean that. With everything I am.” He raises Byleth’s hand to his lips and plants a warm kiss on his palm. “You’re the only one who’s ever made me feel like this.”

Byleth’s breathing hitches at his words, and his palm moves to cup Yuri’s cheek, thumbing the soft skin there before running his fingers through the man’s soft lilac hair.

Yuri is so close now. Close enough that Byleth can breathe in the heady scent of his cologne that he’d rolled onto his neck earlier in the night. 

Close enough that he could still catch lilac from underneath the black that coated his eyelashes. 

Close enough that he couldn’t think of anything but the fact that Yuri _loves_ him and how soft his lips felt against his palm and suddenly how hot it was in here and goddess... Yuri _loves_ him.

Byleth swears if his heart could beat, it would be sputtering out of control right now.

“Yuri.” Byleth swallows, his voice low. “Can I kiss you?”

A fond expression crosses Yuri’s face at the simple act of him asking.

“Well when you give me an adorable look like that, how can I refuse?” He teases. “Of course.”

He leans in forward-- eyes half lidded as Byleth meets him halfway-- resting his hand on the side of his neck as their noses touch. 

Byleth closes the rest of the distance slowly, the bridge of his nose tracing Yuri’s tenderly, brows knitting together before he presses his lips against the other man’s with conviction. 

Yuri reciprocates immediately, closing his own over Byleth’s bottom lip and languidly kissing him back. 

Yuri’s lips were even softer than he’d imagined and he can feel electricity building under his skin at the feeling. This was so much better than he’d ever dreamed.

It starts off slow and sweet, Yuri breaking away every once and a while to smile at him and kiss the tip of his nose or the edge of his jaw before returning to his lips. 

But soon-- as Byleth grows more comfortable with the motions-- the kiss deepens. 

Byleth allows Yuri to lead him expertly with his tongue, the lilac-haired man tilting his own head back slightly to give him better access to his mouth. 

There’s one thing he’s certain of now: Yuri is a very good kisser… and that was putting it lightly.

Not that Byleth had much experience in that department, but he knows that much from the way the man licks into with mouth so confidently, moving his tongue against his own with such ease as if it came second nature to him. 

Byleth picks it up rather easily, and Yuri makes a pleased sound when he eventually takes the lead, tangling his fingers in his hair as Byleth tilts his head back even more with his thumb under his chin. 

He drowns himself in the taste and feel of him... the hint of sugar still on his tongue from the sweets he’d eaten at dinner, and his warmth so incredibly inviting that Byleth can’t help but get closer.

Byleth feels like he’s on fire. 

Hot and heavy and overstimulated, as if Yuri and his mouth and the feeling of his chest against his own were the only things keeping him grounded to the Earth. 

Yuri bites his bottom lip as Byleth pulls away to regain his breath. He pants heavily, and Yuri chuckles.

“Too much?” He teases, taking in Byleth’s flushed face and clearly affected disposition. 

Not that he himself was much better, likely just as red and disheveled and panting. 

Byleth shakes his head.

“Again. Please.” He requests lowly. 

“If you insist, my love.”

Byleth’s face burns at the nickname, even if it was likely mere teasing. 

Yuri grabs at his armor when he claims the man’s lips with his own, leaning back until his shoulders hit the floor and pulling Byleth down on top of him in the process.

Byleth kisses him leisurely, as if they had all the time in the world… a striking contrast to the fervent urgency he’d felt earlier. 

Yuri smiles into the kiss, laughing when Byleth kisses at his neck, feeling more at ease than he’d been in a long time. 

After a while of simply kissing and tangling his fingers in the man’s hair, Byleth pulls back, a soft smile on his face as he thumbs the man’s cheekbone in candid reverence.

“What is it?” Yuri asks, a hint of amusement in his voice at Byleth’s staring.

“Nothing… I just love you. I don’t think I’ll ever stop saying it now.”

Yuri chuckles, desperately trying to hide the way his face heats up at the comment. 

“My my… I never knew you were such a sap.”

“Only with you.” 

Yuri’s eyes widened incrementally, kissing Byleth again and again and again until he got his point across. 

They spend the rest of the night illuminated by candlelight, tracing old battle scars and telling stories about how they got them… kissing when there was no more left to say. 

Until Byleth’s eyes become half-lidded with fatigue, dancing, and the bewildering ordeal of emotional vulnerability. 

Yuri lays his head in Byleth’s lap, watching as the shadows of golden light flickered across his face... fleeting yet captivating as the room dimmed with the extinguishing of the candles.

Yuri never trusted anyone enough to sleep in the same room as him. He kept a dagger under his pillow and slept facing the door for exactly this reason. 

Yet as Byleth combed his fingers through his hair, humming to himself, Yuri found himself lured by the call of sleep like a siren in the night. 

They shared a comfortable silence, one of Yuri tracing patterns into Byleth’s palm with his index finger. 

Trees, cats, the sun, the moon. 

One of affectionate smiles and expressions only Yuri could draw out of Byleth without even trying. And most importantly, love. Only love.

Both were blissfully unaware of the pain the future would hold… where things would inevitably become more complicated in a mere two days time, when Yuri would watch as Byleth cried for the first time at the death of his father... his face numb with shock under the pelting rain as he looked up at him from the mud. 

Or the weeks that followed when Byleth didn’t feel anything at all, or at least he didn’t show it. When everything became cold and grim.

But for now, this was a temporary refuge from all things painful. 

Here there was no loss… no cause for sorrow. 

Here there was only warmth, even after the flame had burned out. 

Here there was only Yuri, lax in his lap as he fell asleep, breathing gently and looking more light than Byleth had ever seen.

The last thing he sees before the room dims to black is the sight of Yuri clutching at his shirt, curling into him with the softest smile on his face… something Byleth wished with every ounce of his body would never fade.

And in that moment, Byleth swears he could feel his heart beat for the first time.

**Author's Note:**

> thank u so much for reading I honestly truly appreciate it!🥺❤️❤️  
> comments and feedback are always welcome, I don't bite hehe.  
> also stan yurileth ! support artists! be gay do art!  
> my twitter handle is @kohoeha if you wanna follow me and see my dumbass tweets.


End file.
